Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sorry my hands just texted you
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
