my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
