I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
