I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
