i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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