I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
