I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
