one word: firstdatebathroomanal
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
