I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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