That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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