their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
