I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
