the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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