Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize