Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
