Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
