dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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