the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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