Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
