I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
