Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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