Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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