You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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