I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Randomize
