john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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