9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Randomize
