I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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