clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize