Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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