11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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