actually, I'm a sock model
Everything about him screamed your future.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
tell me about the eggs
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
