I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
two words: eviction party
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
