as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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