she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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