i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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