...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It was confusing and full of hummus
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
