im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize