If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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