arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
