dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
