I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
