Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?

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(804): View more from Virginia

He likes Jesus. Game over.

(804): View more from Virginia

Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.

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(563): View more from Iowa

I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.

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(971): View more from Oregon

You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.

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(212): View more from New York

All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it

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(239): View more from Florida

And I might get them triple pierced after that

(631): View more from New York

Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors

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(407): View more from Florida

I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.

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