i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
