I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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