GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
