is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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