dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
