The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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