well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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