after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
