you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
