So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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