you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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