Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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