I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
