Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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