I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
