id be glad to
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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