Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
