Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
