I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize