I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
