I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
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