so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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