"it" just moved
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
