question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
