bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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