are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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