so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
