my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
