oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
