So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize