You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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