Betty ford says i'm here all night
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
