I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
