its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
