just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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