alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
