We're facebook friends in real life
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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