i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Who died my cat blue again?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
