Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You pole danced in your parka.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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