Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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