it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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