no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
