Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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