there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I didn't notice because vodka
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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