You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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