Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Do vagina's smell?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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